As I begin this blog I realize an explanation is in order as to why I have started so late. Interestingly enough it took another class assignment for me to realize exactly what I was hung up on. My ability to write effectively has always been fueled by my capacity to make an emotional connection to the content. When I first started the MSW program, my intention was merely to get through so that I could move on with the life that I had already been living, but also receive the acknowledgement in the form of a raise based on my educational and professional growth. I guess I never really put much stock in the thought that furthering my education could lead me to become a better social worker or more passionate about the work that I continue to do. In some respects I think that I may have already been on the path to becoming a burnt out social worker who was bitter with “the system”, frustrated by my inability to facilitate lasting change, and overwhelmed at the sacrifices I had to put my family through in order to meet the requirements of being eligible for a promotion in the agency I had already dedicated ten years of service to. Yet something recently clicked for me as we are tying up the third year in the MSW program: We were tasked an assignment in which we were asked to “calculate our rage to master Social Work”. What I realized during the completion of this assignment , is that I do have a desire to be the best Social Worker that I can be, and that I am not satisfied that we are still turning youth out to the streets, to the mental health system, and the justice system at an unacceptable rate. The epiphany came when I was able to acknowledge that it is the “we” in the system that is allowing this to happen and not just the system as an entity by its self. My husband after countless episodes of listening to me grip and moan about the system always replies the same way: “So what are you going to do about that?” Or “Who’s job do you need to take over to fix that?” Yet, I would blow it off by saying, ” that is not my strength” , or “I am not good at that type of job” or ‘I can’t beat the system, look at how many people have already tried.” This is when he likes to remind me of one of the few areas we actually agree on: We both believe that to be an effective leader, you should to lead by example and be prepared to set the standard”. In the process of calculating my rage to master genius level social work, I discovered that I could no longer rely on those old excuses as an explanation as why I was not meeting my own standards of effective social work practice. This realization lead me to conclude that it was time to complete my own strengths and needs assessment in order to consider how I was going to accomplish my goal to become a master level social worker . What I found was that I have always relied heavily on my natural abilities that are associated with my creativity and my emotional intelligence. While these characteristics have served me well in building vital connections to the families I work with , my skills to promote actual change were still falling short due to my inability to draw on the theoretical concepts and range of methodologies that form the foundation for social work practice. While exposure to these concepts has been available my vision of the application appeared to be blurred by my own insecurities about my abilities. So when this class started and we dove head first (no pun intended) into concepts of neuroplasticity, my reptilian brain seized up with the fear of “science”. I could not for the longest time seem to connect the dots of how these scientific concepts could help me promote wellness and safety in the families that I work with. So as I attempted to plow through the readings, my brain wandered to thoughts of “people are going to know that I am taking out of my ass and that I am not making this connection if I post my thoughts for the world to see”. Fortunately in the process of rewriting “Calculating My rage to master genius level Social Work” I decided to attempt to practice the concept of mindfulness. So I set about gathering evidence that held emotional significance for me that theories of brain plasticity were possible. I found examples in the community, in families that I work with, in my own children, and most importantly in myself. I discovered that if at any point in my life I found the determination to overcome unhealthy and self defeating thought processes that were at some point burned into my emotional memory, then I certainly have the capacity to do it again: My conclusion is that I need to stop living in the shadow of my abilities and shed some light on the buried seeds of my untapped potential. So what has this lead me to accomplish? Well after years of self discovery, I identified that the key to my learning is usually either kinetic or cathartic in nature and sometimes it takes a great deal of reflection, repeated exposure, manipulation, and creativity to represent a concept in a dimension that I can fully integrate into my consciousness. It sometimes feels like a wrestling match in my mind as the different parts of my consciousness manipulates and explores the weak spots of the theory for take down, or the theory prevails and pins itself to the contours of my memory. The problem is that I usually keep this process to myself and do dot invite people outside my inner circle of trust to give feedback and or criticism to round out my learning experience. The liability of my learning style is that theoretical concepts are more challenging and time consuming for me to comprehend, but once I have a grasp, I have that capacity to put them into action. So stay tuned for my next post as I take the concept of “Community” to the mat.
