In Memory of a Sweet Child

When I first watched Dan Rather's report ( Mind Science part 1 of 6)http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FkXtz72hjDI&feature=related . I stopped after the first video because my mind was cluttered and overwhelmed. At the time it had no major impact on my thinking nor did this seem to make a correlation to how this could impact the field of Social Work. So today went back and watched it again, and I could not stop watching. I watched all six and found my self checking the other related videos. I called my husband in watch too, because the Dali Lama made a statement that speaks to what he is always trying to tell me about himself… “emotional well being leads to physical health”. My husband tells me all the time, that for him physical health and emotional well being go hand in hand and that exercising is always an answer for him when he feels down. I could never really relate to his feelings on this topic until I watched another connected you tube video on dopamine. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZjH8_hHtumo In watching this video I realized that I probably get bigger dopamine releases from other actives where as his comes from exercise. This made think about other people I know and what types of activities that are able to stimulate dopamine. This included some of my clients who are faced with issues of substance abuse and the realization of the brain chemistry connection.

The impact of watching the Dali Lama promote scientific research backing meditation that promotes “secular ethics” such as “compassion towards your enemies”, “train your mind to change your brain”, “Fear and hatred are not normal but compassion and altruism are”, I suddenly had the urge to look more into the idea of meditation and visualization. I talked with my husband because we had been traveling In LA for the last week and noted that we seemed to be so negative about things in general. We had both stated that this was something we wanted to change about our selves as it is having an impact on our children and our over all feelings of well being. We are considering the idea of incorporating meditation into our routines. As I explored the various you tube topics, my 9 year old son came in and asked me to tuck him in. My son is a bright , creative, a very affectionate child, is quite shy, scared of heights, and has a tendency to be a perfectionist, who has difficultly getting started because he wants to do it right the first time. For example he is having difficulty learning to ride his bike because he can relax enough to balance. So I asked him if we could practice visualizing or meditating on something as he was going to bed. He said “sure lets start right now.” So we did some deep breathing and relaxation. I asked him to imagine riding his bike. He immediately stopped me and said, " Mom, I thought meditation was to clear your mind not stress you out with difficult thoughts”, He said that he thought it would be too hard for him to clear his mind and meditate because he had so many things to think about. But then he recalled being in the office of my Professor who has a picture of his young daughter on the wall meditating. He thought it over and decided that maybe it was still possible for him to learn. So we proceeded to have a discussion about the difference between meditation and visualization. We talked about how sometimes we dream and that dreams are so vivid that sometimes they may seem as if they really happened, and that we had both had dreams like this where we were flying. So I said maybe if he could visualize himself learning to ride his bike in his mind it could help him with the task of learning to ride his bike in real life… because he could remember what it felt like to feel relaxed as he visualized it or dreamed about it. So we have agreed to spend the next few nights creating this picture in his mind as he settles down to sleep. Soon we were both dozing off while I was still thinking about the correlation of brain plasticity and how it related to Social work. Then, I woke suddenly remembering a poem I had written remembering a young girl I had worked with who tragically died:

Remembering a Sweet Child

I remember …

Warm brown eyes

A laughing smile

And a weeping heart

I remember…

Playing in a tent

A day on the beach

And good night kisses on the forehead

I remember…

A cry to be loved

A simple dream of family and a home

A hope of someplace to go

I remember…

Moments of joy and sorrow

So much to give

And a sadness too deep to heal

I remember…

When I am holding my babies and think of you

I known you are being held too!

We will always remember you,

Sweet Child

She accidentally set herself on fire on Easter Sunday and died from the infection on Mother ‘s day. Her short life was shrouded by abuse and neglect that left her deeply wounded beyond being healed by simple motherly love and psychotropic medication. She had sores on the outside that would not heal, because the pain she felt inside kept her outside wounds open. In my heart I believe that her inner pain kept her from feeling the pain from the flames before it was too late. Her sadness was so deep that I wonder if it was her hopelessness that eventually took her will to continue living that life. I can’t help but think that if we had a residential and aftercare treatment program for severely emotionally distributed children in county and the knowledge to apply therapeutic intervention using techniques of teaching mindfulness and meditation she might still be alive today outwardly unmarked by the pain of her past. My son was born 10 months after her passing and when I look into his warm brown eyes I hold the memory of a sweet child who deserved the same devotion I have for ensuring my son lives a life full of hopefulness, unconditional acceptance, sense of self , and belonging in a community of wellness.